I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
