You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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