I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
