your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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