what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
