Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
