I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
