Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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