Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
