i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
