Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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