Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
