we're blogging at a bar
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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