i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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