Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
