I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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