Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
