She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
