I wish you could order shots online.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
