Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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