It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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