i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got inside last night via doggy door
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
