I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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