He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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