so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
