winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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