Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
