he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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