My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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