I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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