first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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