i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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