Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if only i could text you this smell
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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