Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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