Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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