I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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