Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
