so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
