i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
