I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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