I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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