cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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