Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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