she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
