Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
