That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
