Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
