can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
