Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We had sex on a dog bed..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
