Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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