I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
