this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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