I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
