I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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