nut hugger
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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