You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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