i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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