those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
