I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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