Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
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