I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
where are my eyebrows?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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