sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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