He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
