Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
