When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
