i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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