I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
