It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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