I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
