Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I smell stomach acid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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