Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
