dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
