You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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