apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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