Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Rumble strips road head = magical
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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