So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize