You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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