So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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