Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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