I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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