I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Found your dick twin last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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