Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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