Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Randomize
