There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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